


The Monster and the Scarecrow

by gothvince



Category: Beetlejuice (TV 1989), Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Best Friends, Family Bonding, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Canon, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, tags will get updated as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-11 18:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19932436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothvince/pseuds/gothvince
Summary: “Beetlejuice!”“Lydia!”“Beetlejuice ---”“Stop! Shut up! Don’t say it again, babes, I’ll disappear!”She falls silent. They stare at each other for a moment, and Beetlejuice seems unsure of himself: he’s shifting his weight from foot to foot, shoulders hunched, as if he’s not really supposed to be here - he probably thinks he’s in trouble or something.Lydia promptly bursts into tears and hugs him.***A fic exploring the lives of Beetlejuice & Lydia after the events of the musical, doubling as an answer to the question, "how did Beetlejuice and Lydia meet in the cartoon?" A fun crossover between both universes. The story begins about a year after the events of the musical, putting Lydia at sixteen years of age.Beetlebabes shippers, this fic is not for you.





	1. Chapter 1

Three things happened after Beetlejuice left their lives on a sandworm.

  1. Charles and Delia got married.
  2. Adam and Barbara learned how to be parents.
  3. Lydia Deetz remembered how it felt to be happy.



The thing about happiness, though, is that it doesn’t last. The thing about depression is that it _persists_ , even when there is no reason for it to rear its ugly head. It’s a Tuesday evening when Lydia decides she feels like dying again.

There’s no real reason for it: she isn’t being ignored like she’d been before, she’s no longer desperate to see her mother again. All in all, she had a perfectly happy, unconventional life. And yet here she sits, dwelling on all of her failings, gazing glumly at the razor blade in her hand. It’s been almost a year since she used it - almost a year since _Beetlejuice_ happened - and as much as she wished she’d thrown it away in a defiant moment of self recovery, she’d kept it hidden under her mattress. Just in case.

There has always been a rain cloud in the back of her mind. It had been very big, a year ago - looming and dreary and blocking out all of the sun. Then it rained, and it disappeared, and then slowly started building up again in the months that passed. It’s impossible to get rid of, she thinks, bitterly. The cloud covered the entirety of her sky, and she doesn’t feel much of anything - except some kind of weight, like she’s tied to a ball and chain. If she were one for cliches, she’d say her entire world is in black and white. The rainy weather certainly doesn’t help.

The guilt doesn’t help, either. She’s on far better ground with her parents, now - all four of them, she thinks, are perfectly capable of comforting her. If she tells the Maitlands that she’s sad, they’ll hug her in their chilly, ghostly embrace and tell her everything is going to be okay. Delia would take her shopping, and give her some crystals, and Charles would ruffle her hair and make a very bad joke because he’s still not-very-good-with-feelings but at least he’d be _trying_ . Help is there for her, if she needs it - but she cannot bring herself to reach out. Everything is going so well. Charles and Delia are the happy newly-weds, the Maitlands are the happy oldly-weds, and Lydia is … well, she’s _supposed_ to be the happy daughter with brilliant grades and a shining future.

But she’s sad, and her grades are slipping, and she doesn’t have any motivation to do anything at all and she hasn’t showered in three days and she hasn’t left her room for even longer and who is she, to rain on everyone’s parade? She shouldn’t be feeling so sad. She _shouldn’t_ . And she doesn’t want to worry anyone, because maybe they’ll start blaming themselves, and maybe everything will fall apart, and Lydia thinks it’s much easier to stay quiet and pretend she’s fine and _besides_ , if she dies she can just stick around as a ghost for a while. Then she doesn’t have to worry about things like school and the future and - and making her father pay for therapy or something like that.

No, she can’t talk to anyone about it. She doesn’t think any of them would be able to help, anyway - they just don’t _get it_ . Only one person has ever really _gotten it,_ and she’d killed him.

She stares at the razor blade, her glum reflection staring back, and with a solemn, unfeeling laugh, she speaks. “Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice.”

Nothing happens. She hadn’t expected anything, but she’s still a little bit disappointed. It would be nice to talk to BJ again, even after everything that happened. She likes him, despite his murderous tendencies: he’s funny and treats her like his equal and doesn’t sugarcoat things. What’s he even up to nowadays? Last they’d seen of him he’d disappeared on a sandworm. He’s _probably_ taken up residence in a haunted castle somewhere where it rains a lot, teaming up with a bunch of other ghosts to scare the living daylights out of dumb teenagers who dare each other to go inside. She smiles at that thought - that seems very _Beetlejuice_. Hopefully he’s having fun.

_Crunch!_

The noise comes out of nowhere, and when Lydia turns to look, she sees the ghost with the most swallowing down the remains of a spider. She screams. _He_ screams, and Lydia’s razor clatters to the ground.

“Beetlejuice!”

“Lydia!”

“ _Beetlejuice_ \---”

“Stop! Shut up! Don’t say it _again_ , babes, I’ll disappear!”

She falls silent. They stare at each other for a moment, and Beetlejuice seems unsure of himself: he’s shifting his weight from foot to foot, shoulders hunched, as if he’s not really supposed to be here - he probably thinks he’s in trouble or something.

Lydia promptly bursts into tears and hugs him.

“Oh! Oh. This is a thing.” It takes a moment or two before he wraps his arms around her, too, squeezing her a little too hard, but not enough to bother her. “C’mon, Lyds, I know I’m great, but don’t cry about it. It’s gross. You’re gettin’ snot all over my jacket.”

That draws a short laugh out of her and, with her face still buried in his chest, she snarks right back. “You’ve never washed it, anyway.”

“I’m a changed man! I _bathe_ now.”

“Then what’s that smell?”

“My new shampoo.”

Another laugh, and then silence falls. The hug lasts for a few minutes before Lydia pulls away and wipes her eyes, then awkwardly avoids eye contact. That’s what you do, after an unprompted emotional outburst - you avoid eye contact. She isn’t sure what to say, or how to really explain herself, but there’s an overwhelming feeling of relief that comes with seeing her best friend again, and she’s already forgotten about her previous Overwhelming Urge to Hurt Herself.

Beetlejuice feels a similar amount of relief, but he knows Lydia, and he can see the razor on the floor, and even though he’s stupid he’s not an _idiot_. He can put two-and-two together fairly easily, so he’s the one who speaks first. Brow furrowed, voice full of concern, because Lydia’s the only person he’s ever really been concerned about. “Hey --- are you okay, babes?”

Lydia nods, then thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. “I’m sad.”

“I can see that.”

“But not just a one time thing kind of sad. It’s like --- like a persistent sadness.”

“The kind that doesn’t leave you alone?”

“Yeah.”

“Even though to everyone else you don’t have any reason to be sad?”

“Yeah.”

“... Then I’m sad too.”

And there it is: their shared feeling of _getting it_ . Already, Lydia feels better knowing that she isn’t alone in feeling this way - and isn’t that what it’s always been about, with the two of them? Not wanting to be alone? She’s smiling, now, and so is he, and there’s an unspoken conversation happening in the looks they give each other - _Thanks for being here. I didn’t want to be alone_.

She doesn’t feel like explaining all of her feelings right now: there’s a lot to unload, and she’s a little bit afraid of confronting them, and all she really needs right now is a _friend_ . That’s what Beetlejuice needs, too, so he doesn’t bother asking any questions when she climbs onto her bed, pulls up her laptop, and pats the space next to her. All he does is sit next to her, grab one of her stuffed animals to hug, and watches as she pulls up netflix. A horror movie marathon - _that’s_ what they need. No pressure to talk about things, or pretend to be happy. Just two friends, a bad netflix horror movie, and a mutual understanding.

It’s a few hours later when Beetlejuice realises Lydia has fallen asleep on his shoulder. They’re just finishing up Slumber Party Massacre _II_ (which features an incredible musical number that Beetlejuice has _absolutely_ decided to recreate at some point), and Lydia’s less-than-ladylike snoring has drawn his attention. So he carefully closes the laptop, sets it aside, and snaps his fingers. Then she’s in bed, tucked under the covers, and Beetlejuice doesn’t want to wake her up.

He’s not sure why she decided to summon _him_ instead of, well - Adam or Barbara. Sure, they had something in common way back then - when they both felt invisible, but that had changed, right? Lydia had a whole new family and happy ending, and Beetlejuice… well, he was a ghost now, so he could have fun haunting people, but it’s not as if he has a family of his _own_ . He’s spent the past year causing trouble for his own enjoyment, and it’s been _damn fun_ , but there’s always been something missing. Someone missing.

Lydia’s been missing. They spent - what, three days having fun together in a haunted house? Those had been the best three days of his _whole afterlife_. The only three days of his afterlife he’s even had a friend, actually, and the only three days he hasn’t felt completely, utterly alone. Even with the added bonus of being able to make lights flicker - Beetlejuice is still alone.

Casper the Lonely Ghost.

Casper the _I-Had-A-Friend-But-Fucked-Things-Up-So-Now-I’m-Alone-Again-And-I-Deserve-It_ Ghost.

Part of him is absolutley fucking _elated_ that Lydia bothered summoning him again. His friend still thinks about him! His friend wanted to see him again! What could be better than that? He’s shown an incredible amount of self-restraint, staying away from the Deetzes place - knowing full well that he shouldn’t interfere with a happy ending after it’s already ended. As much as he’d wanted to, he’d never looked back after leaving the first time. But here he is, because Lydia _wanted_ him here! And they’d laughed at horror movies together. He should be over the moon.

But the other part of him has already figured out that this is just a one time thing. A random summoning brought on by a sudden bout of sadness, that Lydia will absolutely regret when she wakes up, and she’ll yell at him to go away and that’ll be that and he’ll have to face the fact that his only friend in the whole universe doesn’t actually like him and --- and it’s better to just _leave now,_ while she’s asleep, so he doesn’t have to deal with that.

So he does. But he takes Lydia’s stuffed bear with him, because it’s cute and he’s already named it Gomez. So he’s attached to it. And also a bit of a kleptomaniac.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Netherworld.

The next morning, Delia wakes Lydia up by throwing open the curtains, kissing her forehead, and letting her know that breakfast is ready. It’s very disney-princess-ey, Lydia thinks, but she lets her do it anyway, because it makes her happy. And it’s sweet that Delia has created some kind of morning routine for the two of them. Another reason to be perfectly happy and content, but there is a pit in her stomach that prevents her from getting out of bed immediately. It’s only after a few minutes, when Delia shouts her for breakfast, that Lydia manages to roll herself out of bed - and it takes half an hour after that to start getting ready for the day.

She is, of course, acutely aware that Beetlejuice is gone. It had probably been a stupid idea to summon him - she didn’t even think it would work, and no doubt she’d dragged him away from whatever fun he’d been having just to  _ comfort  _ her. He’d probably left as soon as she’d fallen asleep, and Lydia doesn’t blame him. She wouldn’t want to deal with herself, either.

But… she didn’t fall asleep under the covers. Had he done that? She worries her lip, reflecting on last night, and it’s at that point she realises one of her stuffed bears is missing.

_ “Beetlejuice,” _ she sighs, because she  _ knows  _ he took it and it’s a little annoying to have him stealing her shit.

“What _ now? _ ”

Lydia lets out a small, surprised yelp as she spins around --- and there he is! Not properly here, but… here-ish. He’s taken over the reflection in her mirror, and he’s leaning against the frame with a grin on his face.

“How… are you doing that?”

“What? Oh! Neat, right? I think it’s a ghost thing. I dunno, but I can totally toe the line between  _ here and there _ now.” He points behind him with his thumb. “That’s the Netherworld! It’s like we’re facetiming!”

“You’re back in the Netherworld?”

“Yeah, y’know, it’s not like there’s anywhere else to go. Bein’ a ghost is  _ lame _ , Lyds. Sure, I can fuck around with humans, but none of ‘em can see me. It’s… a  _ little  _ bit better than bein’ cursed. At least here people can talk to me. And without my dumb mom hangin’ around it’s  _ wayyyy  _ more chill.”

Lydia carefully edges closer to the mirror, until she’s close enough that she can peak into the glass and look at the scenery behind Beetlejuice. The Netherworld isn’t how she remembered it, but she supposes it’s big enough that it can’t  _ all  _ look the same. As she’s peering in, Beetlejuice lets out a loud, pained scream in an attempt to jump-scare her --- but Lydia just turns to look at him with raised eyebrows, and  _ that  _ is what sets Beetlejuice off into a fit of laughter.

He’d missed this, he really had. Just hanging out with his friend, having fun. He takes a second to look her over, trying to gauge whether or not she’s brought him here to scold him or hang out again. She hasn’t changed much in the past year --- still tiny. Still all goth-y and creepy. He supposes  _ he  _ hasn’t changed much, either, but a year in Netherworld-time is like  _ nothing _ when compared with the whole millennia he’s been un-alive.

Lydia is looking him over, too, and she’s come to the same conclusion: that neither of them have changed. It’s a comforting thought, actually; in the midst of all this  _ change _ , her friend is still the same as he’s always been. Maybe a little less eager to go all murdery-manipulative on anyone (hopefully), but still the same old Beetlejuice. She glances from him to the scenery behind him a few times, and she opens her mouth to say something before being interrupted by a yell from downstairs.

“Lydia! Can you come and help me with something?” Delia’s voice rings out, and Lydia cringes slightly. She doesn’t move, silently hoping that if she doesn’t respond then Delia won’t yell for her again.

Her hope is in vain, because a few seconds later another shrill  _ ‘Lydia!’ _ fills the air. She sighs. Beetlejuice frowns. “Hey! I have an idea. You say my name, and I’ll take you on a trip to my neck of the woods. Fuck helping  _ Donna  _ with… whatever she’s doing. Have some fun instead! You kinda need it after yesterday, right?”

Lydia doesn’t waste any time considering it. She smiles wide, and speaks his name once. Thunder claps, and wind stars picking up, whipping her hair around like crazy. She says his name a second time, and the wind grows wilder, lightning cracks and lights up the room, and there’s an electrifying feeling of pure power surrounded her. A third time, and the only thing that can be heard above the loud crackling is Beetlejuice’s laughter.

Wallpaper melts from the walls, revealing cold stone underneath. The room seems to grow larger and wider, furniture turning spiky and stripey and weird, and a dark purple cloak wraps around Lydia. With a flash it turns a bright red, glowing with some kind of magic, as the wind whips her hair into a new style. Bats flutter above her, and she looks around her new surroundings with wide eyes, so entranced by what’s happening that she doesn’t even notice Beetlejuice climbing out of the mirror --- cracking his bones, stretching his limbs. He grabs her hand, and flies to the top of a twisting, looming staircase.

He wastes no time in kicking open the door and dragging Lydia through, who’s far too dazed to entirely register what’s happening. And, almost as suddenly as it had started, the noise stops. The door swings shut behind her, and when she turns to look, it’s gone --- there’s nothing there, just the landscape of the Netherworld. After a few seconds, she manages to adjust to her new surroundings, and turns to find Beetlejuice dusting off his jacket with a smug look on his face.

“That,” she says, pointing a finger, “was overboard.”

The demon puts a hand to his chest in a show of feigned hurt. Then, he scowls. “What’re you pointing at, you stupid cape?”

Lydia opens her mouth to respond, but catches a flash of red out of the corner of her eye, and when she looks she finds the tail of her cape moving of its own accord. “What the  _ hell  _ is that?” The tail seems to extend, moving upwards to flick her cheek in an odd sort of display of affection, and she can’t help but giggle.

Beetlejuice waves a hand. “Here’s the deal, babes: no one here is as nice as I am. So I figure a little bit of protection magic would go a long way so you don’t, uh, die. So - ta-da! Enchanted cape! Plus, it’s super stylish. _ You’re welcome. _ ”

“That’s surprisingly sweet of you, BJ.”

“Yeah, well.” He waves a hand again. “You’re my friend and I care about you, or whatever.” He glances away, feeling a little awkward after his little display of affection, but after a few seconds he feels Lydia pulling him into a hug --- and he wastes no time in reciprocating.

Lydia has never been more relieved to hear someone call her a  _ friend  _ in her life. All her insecurities and worries seem to melt away in that moment, and all she can do is pull the demon into a tight hug, because god --- they’re still friends. Even after everything that happened, their friendship hasn’t weakened, and in the midst of everything she’s been feeling lately Lydia needs a rock to hold onto. Beetlejuice, however unintentionally, just became that rock.

“You’re my friend and I care about you, too.”

“Ha! Sap.”

“Shut up.”

They pull apart and grin at each other, easing into the same sense of camaraderie they’d shared back when they’d haunted their house together.

“So, where’re we headed, monster?”

“I dunno, Scarecrow --- how ‘bout my place?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beetlejuice loves to break the fourth wall, and he's never been subtle about it.

BJ’S Roadhouse is rundown, shabby, and dull. It almost looks abandoned from the outside, and the only sign of life comes from the lights on inside. It’s not what Lydia expected. She hadn’t expected Beetlejuice to spend the past year running what looks to be a bed-and-breakfast for the Universal Monsters. There’s a house right across the street with a dog that yaps loudly and angrily as they pass, and Lydia’s dumbfounded by how utterly  _ domestic  _ the whole thing seems. Beetlejuice has already explained the neighbours to her: there’s The Monster Across the Street (BJ insists that’s his full legal name, but Lydia has the sneaking suspicion that he just forgot), who yells a lot. There’s Jacques Lalean, the skeleton gymrat, and there’s Ginger, a tap dancing spider.

This whole place is even weirder than the last time she was here.

She supposes that’s thanks to Beetlejuice getting rid of Juno. The last time she’d visited the place there’d been enough rules in place to make it seem like a prison, and though she’d only explored a small part of it, nothing had been so bright and colourful and  _ fun _ . There’d been a strong, lingering sense of sadness and isolation that is all but gone, now. Without Juno’s reign things seem to have blossomed into something entirely new - people  _ enjoy  _ the afterlife now, or at least that’s the vibe she gets, and Lydia can’t help but wonder if Beetlejuice is aware just how much good he’d done for this place.

They reach the penthouse suite without running into anyone, and Lydia isn’t surprised by how dirty BJ’s pad is. The interior design resembles the way he’d redesigned her living room last year, except the ceiling is leaking and the wallpaper is peeling. There are patches of mould scattered around the place, and some mysterious damp spots that Lydia doesn’t really want to ask about.

It’s so goddamn  _ Beetlejuice-y _ ; Lydia absolutely loves it.

She jumps onto the couch and kicks her feet up, already excited to be here. “You don’t get girl scouts way out here, do you? It’s been  _ ages  _ since I scared someone.”

There she is: little miss Honorary Dead Girl. Beetlejuice grins.

“Nah, but sometimes Jacques knocks on the door, an’ I get to scare  _ him _ .”

“But he’s a skeleton!”

“Yeah, and I can really  _ rattle his bones _ . Ha! Geddit?”

“Very funny, Beetlejuice.” Lydia rolls her eyes, but the smile on her lips gives away her amusement. Her gaze drifts across the walls, taking in the whole room, and for a few minutes the both of them are entirely quiet. Things are left unsaid. It’s an uneasy feeling, and the atmosphere of the place goes from fun to awkward in a matter of minutes. Then, they both speak at once.

“I’m sorry I killed you---”

“That whole marriage thing was weird---”

“Oh, you go first---”

“You first, Lyds---”

The stop and stare at each other. Lydia sits up and frowns at him, and Beetlejuice rubs the back of his neck nervously.

“I’m not mad about the  _ marriage  _ thing.”

Beetlejuice blinks, surprised, and Lydia presses on.

“I mean, it was super creepy. But I’ve been thinking about it. You only wanted to be  _ alive _ . And my dad’s business partner, Maxie, was way creepier to me than you ever were, so I don’t think you were… y’know.  _ Like that _ .”

Beetlejuice looks relieved, and he moves to collapse on the couch next to her. “God, Lyds, I’m so glad you  _ get it _ . You were the only one alive, if I could’a married one of the Maitlands instead, I would’a done.” A pause. “I still would. Are they still as hot as they used to be? Don’t answer that. Are they though?”

“... I’m a  _ little  _ bit mad about the exorcism thing.”

“Oh.”

“You’re such an idiot! What, did you think that just because I wanted my mom back, I was gonna  _ abandon  _ you?” She playfully smacks him on the arm. “We’re friends, asshole! Your stupid evil plan was  _ sooo  _ unecessary.”

BJ rubs his arm, looking uncharacteristically apologetic. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. I should’a just helped you! In my defense, I have a fuck ton of issues.”

“It’s okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I tricked you into marrying me so I could murder you.”

“Ha! Oh, you did  _ not  _ trick me. You’re such a shitty liar, Lydia. You waltzed in from the Netherworld calling me  _ sugar-plum _ . You thought I’d buy that? You’re like twelve years old! Nah, the Maitlands are the ones who got me. I really fell for the whole  _ everyone loves BJ _ thing.”

He looks despondent for a split second, but perks back up almost immediately. “Hey! Can you imagine how wild it would be if people saw all that go down, in like, a musical number?” He looks off into the distance, and it’s almost as if he’s looking directly into the eyes of a reader. “Yeah, like, it’d be  _ pretty fucking weird _ if people watched it happen and were like, ‘oh, you know what’d be cute? If this fifteen year old dated and married the demon trying to kill her family, who’s also a grown man!’”

Lydia stares at him. “What? What are you looking at?”

“Oh, they know who they are.”

A few seconds pass before Beetlejuice breaks eye-contact with whatever all-knowing entity he’s decided to pick a fight with, and with a lack of anything else to do he pulls out his phone. Lydia quirks her eyebrows and peeks over his shoulder to see.

“You have  _ phones  _ here?”

“No, Lydia. I’m  _ dead _ . I don’t have a  _ phone _ .” He’s playing Candy Crush.

“God, you’re annoying.”

_ “God, you’re annoying.” _

“Stop it.”

_ “Stop it.” _

“Beetlejuice, I swear---”

_ “Beetlejuice, I swear.” _

A long pause. BJ is grinning like a madman, as if he has the upper hand. But Lydia has a plan. She fires back. “I’m Beetlejuice and I’m the worst.”

Beetlejuice (not the worst) looks at her for a few seconds, and just when she thinks he’s got him, he pulls out all the aces. “Hi,  _ The Worst. _ I’m  _ dad _ .”

Lydia screams in frustration and Beetlejuice explodes into a fit of giggling.

It’s just like old times.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara is a force to be reckoned with, especially when it comes to her daughter.

The Netherworld is  _ way  _ more interesting when you aren’t being chased by Juno’s army of civil servants. It’s a few hours later and Lydia is sitting on the ground outside the Roadhouse, basking in the other-wordly sun and watching Beetlejuice as he tries to dig up his dinner. They’ve spent all morning catching up on what they’ve been doing this past year, and with every word out of the demon’s mouth Lydia has found herself more and more interested in the Netherworld. From what she can gather, having not explored it all that much, it functions the same as regular, living society, but with more monsters.

Lydia supposes that makes sense. Humans, she thinks, are creatures of habit, even after they die. It’s not surprising they’d fall back into similar routines - building towns and creating jobs and coping with their death by way of finding normalcy. The monsters, though - demons and skeletons and vampires - they’re the ones who have no prior attachment to society. They’re the ones who cause trouble and, in BJ’s words, make the whole place a hell of a lot more interesting.

_ “Oh, By-etel-zheus!” _

“Oh,  _ no _ .” Beetlejuice groans as he hears the voice, and when Lydia looks around she sees a skeleton in a crop top and shorts jogging towards them. This must be Jacques.

“Monsieur, I ‘ave been looking everywhere for you! Ginger and I ---” he stops in his tracks when he notices Lydia, and a smile seems to light up his whole skull (and it’s an odd thing, seeing a skeleton  _ emote  _ \- Lydia can barely make sense of it). “Oh! You must be Lydia!”

She raises an eyebrow, and turns to look at Beetlejuice. “Oh, BJ, have you been _ gossiping about me? _ ” She stands up, extending her hand out to the skeleton, who shakes it happily.

“No. Why would I talk about you? You’re  _ gross _ .”

“Ah, but he has! He talks  _ very  _ highly of you. We’ve all heard bout ‘ow you killed him,” Jacques nudges Lydia with his elbow playfully. “A fantasy most of us have had, at one point or another.”

Lydia laughs, and Beetlejuice groans. “What do you  _ waaaant _ , bonehead? I’m in the middle of ordering food.” He’s still on the ground, and suddenly makes a dive for a worm that just surfaced (there’s the sound of a very faint, high-pitched scream, but Lydia swears she must be hearing things). “Hey, Lyds, look! It’s the  _ spaghetti  _ of  _ bug cuisine _ .”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Thank you.”

Jacques clears his non-existent throat. “Beetlejuice, this is  _ exactly  _ why we need to talk. You keep digging up Ginger’s flower beds! She works very hard on her garden.”

“What are you talkin’ about? I don’t see any flowers.”

“Because you keep digging them up!”

“Huh.” A moment's thought passes, and then Beetlejuice goes in for another bug. Jacques almost starts yelling, and Lydia can tell he has some experience dealing with the demon.

“Beej,” she says, in the same tone of voice Barbara uses when she’s three seconds away from scolding her kid. “Leave Ginger’s flowers alone.”

“Thank you, Lydia.”

“You’re  _ welcome _ , Jacques.”

Beetlejuice opens and closes his mouth a few times in protest, then jumps up and points an accusing finger at Lydia. “Stop pretending like you care about some dumb flowers! You don’t know Ginger! You don’t care if I dig ‘em up or not!”

Jacques lets out a gasp, and Lydia doesn’t have the heart to tell him that Beetlejuice is right. She’s only really taking the skeletons side just to get a rise out of him, so she crosses her arms and sticks out her chin and stares the demon down.

“You should always be welcoming and respectful to your neighbours.”

“Who are you supposed to be, Mister goddamn Roger? What about that beautiful sound, huh?”

“I’m a changed person.”

Beetlejuice scoffs. “If you’re a changed person, then  _ I’m  _ still alive.”

But despite his best efforts, Lydia continues to stand her ground. She looks mildly intimidating, glaring him down beside Jacques, who’s doing the exact same thing. Eventually, he relents, kicks the ground in defeat. “Fine, you win. But you owe me lunch, Bonehead.”

Once again Jacques’ whole face lights up, and it’s a marvel to see how quickly his attitude towards BJ changes. “Ah! Of course, mon cher! A date - I’ll cook you my speciality! I will see you the same time tomorrow, then, hmm?

Before anyone can respond, the skeleton jogs off, and Lydia gives Beetlejuice a look.

“What?” He looks annoyed. There’s the  _ faintest  _ hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“You have a  _ daaaaate _ !”

“Oh my god, are you five?”

“BJ’s got a dinner date! You guys gonna make out? He doesn’t even have lips.”

Beetlejuice shoves her and she bursts into a fit of giggles, and despite himself, BJ can’t help but laugh along.

***

The sunsets in the Netherworld are a blazing red, bathing the landscape in a fiery orange. Lydia thinks it’s one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen.

It’s been a long day. She’d met Ginger, who had come down from her web to show off her latest tap dance (Lydia had absolutely  _ loved  _ it, and the two became fast friends, much to Beetlejuice’s chagrin). She’d even given her a flower - weird and wonderful and entirely unlike any plant found in the living world - that Lydia has tucked into her hair. She’s matching with the Monster Across the Street, who’d visited to complain about Beetlejuice bothering his dog and had left with flowers braided into his fur by Lydia and Ginger.

Beetlejuice had been completely against any sort of flower-accessory right up until Jacques had offered him one - and that particular flower is sitting in a vase on his window sill. Lydia had bullied him a  _ lot  _ for that, but it’s sweet.

All in all, it’s been a good day. The kind of day Lydia needed. Weird and wild and  _ healing _ , because she got to reconnect with her best friend, and that’s all that matters, really. The apartment is empty now, just Lydia and Beetlejuice lounging on the couch and watching a weird Netherworld TV show.

“Hey, babes?”

“Hmm?”

“It’s with a heavy heart that I must announce… it’s time for me to be responsible.”

Lydia feigns a gasp.  _ “No!” _

“Yes!” He sits up. “You’ve been gone all day and your parents have _ no idea _ where you are.”

“So what? I bet they didn’t even notice I’m gone.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Do I?”

They stare at each other for a few seconds, before Beetlejuice pulls Lydia to her feet. “C’mon, Scarecrow, let’s get outta here.”

And, with an affectionate roll of her eyes, Lydia (rather reluctantly, this time) speaks his name three times.

In a flash that’s far less dramatic than their arrival, they return to Lydia’s bedroom, now back to the way it had been before. A scream of terror marks their entrance, and when Lydia’s eyes adjust to the light she sees Barbara, a hand covering her mouth, stood stock still and terrified.

“Hi, Ghost Mom,” Lydia says, a little weakly. It’s clear she’s been worried sick, because within seconds the ghost has her arms wrapped around her adoptive daughter, pulling her into a hug of remarkable strength, all things considered.

“Oh, Lydia! We were so worried! You were gone all day!” There’s the motherly concern. Next up is motherly anger. Barbara pulls away and grabs Lydia by the shoulders, frowning at her. “What were you thinking? You missed school! We thought you’d been kidnapped, or worse, and do you have any idea how worried your father has been?”

“Which father?”

“Don’t talk back to me, young lady.”

Beetlejuice is doing his absolute best to slink away unnoticed, but when Barbara points a finger at him, he freezes. There’s not much that can scare a being like Beetlejuice, but angry mothers certainly do the trick.

If looks could kill, he’d be dead. Again.

“And  _ you _ ,” she says, accusatory, letting go of Lydia to march towards him. “How  _ dare  _ you show your face here after everything that happened, you --- you --  _ not nice person! _ ”

His hands are raised in self defense. “I’ll give you an eight on that one, Babs. Strong delivery but you fell flat at the end.” The joke did not help. Barbara looks like she’s about to strangle him, so he changes tactics, and points at Lydia. “It was all her idea!”

“What?! It was  _ not _ , you unloyal little freak!”

“Oh, wasn’t it, Lydia? Who’s the one who summoned m---”

“Beetlejuice _ kidnapped me! _ ” Now she’s the one pointing a finger, and Beetlejucie gasps dramatically. Barbara’s glaring at him again.

“No I didn’t!”

“He did! He totally he did! He said --- he said he wanted to  _ marry me _ again!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

**“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?”**

A deep, booming voice cuts through their arguing and the door swings open to reveal Charles Deetz, big and imposing, glaring at the trio in the room. It registers fairly quickly that his daughter’s back, and she’s safe, and he pushes past Barbara and Beetlejuice to pull her into a hug so tight she almost breaks. “Lydia. Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? I can’t  _ lose you _ .”

Lydia feels a little guilty for all the worry she caused. It hadn't occurred to her that  _ any  _ of them would be so anxious about her disappearing act at all. In fact, nothing like that had crossed her mind at all, and now she’s faced with the reality that she fucked up.

So she’s gonna pin the blame on the demon.

“It was  _ Beetlejuice _ .”

“Stop saying that!”

“He  _ kidnapped  _ me.”

“No I didn’t!”

Beetlejuice is backing against the wall as Barb (and now Charles) continue to advance on him, and out of the corner of his eye he catches Lydia smirking at him, and oh, she’s so  _ goddamn evil _ . He’s so proud. He’s gonna get all choked up.

Well, maybe he’s just gonna get choked. He thinks fast.

“If I’m the one who kidnapped her,” he says, loud and dramatic, enough that the two parents stop in their tracks. “Then  _ who summoned me? _ ”

There’s a long silence. Lydia is scowling, Beetlejuice is grinning, and  _ well played, Lyds, but two can play at that game _ .

Lydia considers her options for a moment or two before she relents. “Okay,  _ fine _ , it was my idea.”

“Lydia! Why would you lie to us like that?”

“Because it was believable, mom.”

“Well, sure, but…” Barbara throw the demon a dirty look before turning her attention to Lydia, taking a few steps forwards. “But you should tell us the truth about this kind of thing.”

“Sorry.”

Charles sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “What’s important is that you’re safe. I’ll… call Delia. She insisted on putting up missing persons posters.”

The guilt grows stronger, and Lydia looks to the ground, ashamed. “Sorry.”

Her father, hesitant and awkward and still not great with feelings, ruffles her hair and then stalks out of the room, leaving just Barbara behind to deal with the mess.

“You’re grounded.”

“Mom-”

“I don’t want to hear it! You’re grounded. For a week. No - two weeks.” A brief pause, and then Barbara’s face seems to light up. “Oh! This is exciting! I’m  _ parenting _ . Adam is going to be so  _ proud _ . Okay,” she perks up, rolls her shoulders, and smiles a smile that could light up the world. “I’m going to find the handbook and exorcise Beetlejuice.”

“What? Babs, no!”

“I’m sorry, did I  _ say  _ you could speak?”

Beetlejuice shuts his mouth. Barbara seems far too pleased with herself. She claps her hands together. “I’ll be right back.”

“ _ Nooooo… _ ”

She leaves, and once Lydia is sure she’s out of earshot, she turns to Beetlejuice and laughs out loud. Their little spat had been  _ ridiculous _ , really, and by the sound of Beetlejuice’s own laughter, he agrees. They laugh and laugh and laugh, until all of their anxiety has left them, and then Beetlejuice pulls her into a one-armed hug and ruffles her hair. “Okay, babes, this was fun, but I gotta skedaddle before Little Miss Sunshine busts out the exorcism.

“Okay, Beej. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

He hesitates, surprised by the suggestion, still somewhat of the belief that Lydia wouldn’t want to see him again after today. She keeps on surprising him. He grins. “Sure thing, Lyds.”

“Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.”

And then he’s gone.

She gets another week of being grounded for letting him get away, but Lydia thinks Barb is letting the power go to her head.


End file.
